Stepping Out Ahead of God

I'm trying to limit my posts to one a day because I certainly don't want to overwhelm anyone or for anyone to grow weary of them.  However, there is something on my mind that I just really feel this overwhelming desire to share.

Seven years ago the Lord placed the desire in my heart to write a book sharing my life experiences with others to give them hope and encouragement.  To let others know that there is no sin too great for His love and forgiveness.  Perhaps someone would read it and it give them hope for another day, prevent someone from committing suicide or maybe even help them accept the Lord as their savior. For a long time I listened to Satan telling me that this was my idea alone and not from God because it was silly of me to think anyone would be interested in hearing anything I had to say and that my family and those who know me would think I was being silly.  How could my ego be so super inflated to think that God would have such a huge assignment for me?

Over the years that desire has never left me.  When I would pray for God to reveal His purpose to me He would always remind me of the task He had given me.  I realized recently that I had been running from it hoping He would reveal something else to me, something that I would feel I was actually capable of doing.  I'm reminded of all the times I've heard, "Don't look at yourself and your lack of ability, instead look to the Lord and what He can accomplish through you" and "It's through the weakest and the least of us that He can reveal Himself".

I have no writing experience and was extremely reluctant to start this blog but finally decided to submit and surrender and set it up and begin writing.  I can't begin to tell you how rewarding it is and the joy I feel when I see that someone has signed on to follow my blog, to see the number of views increase, to read the comments on my Facebook page regarding a post, to see someone share it on their Facebook page for their friends to read it also and to know that the Lord has used me to share something with someone to help them that day.  I pray that the Lord will never let pride build up in me because I certainly don't have much of anything in my life to be proud of and I know it is NOT me and my words but Him working through me giving me the words and I can't thank Him enough for that.

I told you in a previous blog post that after Steve went to Afghanistan I stopped going to church, stopped reading my Bible and other than occasional comments had stopped communicating with the Lord and how He had revealed to me that I had been pouting with Him for sending Steve to Afghanistan.  One day last week I went to pick Joshua up from daycare ‘school’ and was talking to Lorraine, the lady who owns the daycare and I shared with her what I felt the Lord had revealed to me.  During our conversation I discovered that she and her husband attend the same church Steve and I had been attending.  Suddenly I felt an amazing desire to return to church.

I attended the service at this church Sunday morning and felt the pastor was talking directly to me.  He preached on how the Lord calls us by name and though there may be ten Marys in the room you know when it's you that He's calling.  I sat there thinking, "Yes, how many times have I heard that quiet voice say, Alecia....?"  He also referenced how the Lord asks questions and I thought, "Yes...with questions that so often seem to provide answers".  He talked about how a lack of faith is a sin and how we tend to take things into our own hands instead of waiting on the Lord such as the story of Abraham and Sarah and how God had promised them a child but they stepped out ahead of God and took things into their own hands.  Oh how well was the pastor talking to me because stepping out ahead of God and getting myself into terrible messes has certainly been the story of my life.  He also talked about those in the Bible that had gotten themselves into terrible situations and God interceded and called them by name.  How wonderful to know that God is in control and no matter how big of a mess we may make of our lives He has the ability to make it all work out for the good.

During the alter call Sunday morning Pastor Chase said that he could sense a broken heart in the congregation.  I knew he was talking about me.  He walked around the congregation coming directly to me.  He took my hand and all I can really remember him saying is that he could feel the Holy Spirit all over me.  I stood there trembling and cried feeling so much peace and so loved.  I went to the alter and surrendered to Lord for Him to use me as He will to fulfill His purposes.

I left church that morning and was having a conversation with my DCC Sister, Donna Phillips and shared what had happened in church that morning with her.  I also shared with her that I had realized that I had been sitting on the fence as a closet Christian where it was safe and I wasn't judged.  The main thing that had held me back was taking that step over into committing myself to coming out of the closet as a Christian and living my life in such a way as to be a light unto the world. 

I was reading Hallee Bridgeman's testimony on her website the other day and she said she had been doing all the things right as a Christian but realized that she wasn't actually living her life for God.  Those were such profound words for me.  "Living my life FOR God".  I realized that is what we are called to do, live our lives for God, not for ourselves.  The flesh is so selfish!  We want to live for ourselves.  One thing I do realize though is that living my life for God instead of myself will certainly be more fulfilling and rewarding.

I know what the Lord has called me to do and now that I've committed myself to do it, wish it would happen yesterday, I pray I never again step out ahead of God.  Please sign on to follow my posts. Please share them with your friends.  Please make comments and interact on here.  I can't tell you how much your encouragement and your support means to me.  Please pray with me that the Lord will use me for His purpose and work through me to help others.  Please pray for me that I will never step out ahead of God again.  God bless you!