A Year Of Pouting With God

Before Steve left for Afghanistan God had revealed to me that Steve was first in my life not Him.  I had asked God to help me put Him first in my life.  Before Steve left we attended church, I read and studied my Bible daily, I had my dedicated prayer times yet considered myself to remain in a state of continual prayer with Him.  After Steve left it all stopped.  I haven't attended church since Steve's been gone.  I quit reading my Bible and other than an occasional comment to God quit praying and communicating with Him.  A few weeks ago God revealed to me that I have been pouting with Him like a child.  Yes, I had been!  I was angry with Him!  I had asked Him to open doors for us to find jobs.  I had trusted Him and kept my faith that He was going to make a way for us.  He took my husband away from me and sent him to Afghanistan!  Could it be that He had sent Steve there to isolate me and make room for Himself in my life in order to help me draw nearer to Him and put Him first?  God says that our love for our spouse and our children should resemble hatred in comparison to our love for Him.  I've wasted an entire year pouting with God instead of seeking Him.  He reminds me that my actions of the past year came as no surprise to Him.  He knows everything about me from my past to my future.  Since this realization I have noticed things in my life that are clearly signs of God at work.  Praise God for that!

Putting God First

Before Steve actually made the decision to go to Afghanistan to work I remember praying for the Lord to open the right doors for us and lead us through them.  I was getting so frustrated because I felt I wasn't getting the answers from God that I wanted and needed.  I knew the reason I wasn't getting the answers was because of me certainly not because God was simply withholding them from me.  I prayed for God to show me what I was doing wrong and He revealed to me that He was not first in my life, Steve was.  I told God I was willing to put Him first in my life but I would need His help.  Shortly after this Steve left for Afghanistan.