When we are going through difficult situations in life it can be easy to submit to self-pity. We may begin to examine our lives and our hearts looking for flaws, faults, mistakes and sin within ourselves as we may ask “Oh God! Why have you forsaken and abandoned me? What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so separated from you? What am I not understanding? What must I do?”
As we enter into this state of self-pity we must be on guard because we open ourselves up to deception by the Great Deceiver himself. He will bring up our pasts and throw every condemnation he possibly can to justify why our Lord has abandoned us. However, the truth is that our Lord has promised to never forsake us or abandon us.
I am going through a situation in my life right now in which I am fighting falling into Satan’s traps of deception. My husband came home to be with his family after working in Afghanistan for two years. He made the decision to come home after being told “Come on back home. I’ll look out for you. You have a job waiting for you.” Then after he came back home the job wasn’t there waiting and things have not transpired as we expected and had hoped. We have prayed and asked God to open doors and provide a job for my husband enabling him to provide for his family and those doors simply have not been opened yet. Therefore, I have asked myself those questions mentioned above so many times over the past couple of weeks while seeking solutions and answers.
Satan has tried to convince me that God has abandoned us and that I am not worthy of God’s love. He has told me it is impossible for such a holy and pure God to love someone like me. Yet, God’s Word tells me differently. I know God loves me because he sent his one and only very special Son to die on a cross for me so I can be with him. When I accepted the Lord as my personal savior my past was not only forgiven but also forgotten.
I don’t believe Satan’s lies when he tries to use my past against me to force me back into a pit of self-condemnation. My God has not condemned me due to my past mistakes and the things that have happened to me. I truly believe that God can turn it all around and use my past for the glory of his kingdom, which is why I feel he wanted me to write a book. Satan has even used the money we had to pay the publicist to promote the book against me. He has tried to use what I feel is God’s assigned purpose for me as a weapon of guilt by telling me “Your family sure could use that money right now, couldn’t they? Instead you’ve gone off chasing silly pipe dreams wanting to believe that God wants to use you and your experiences in some way. Who do you think you are?”
Over the course of the past few weeks I have examined every area of my relationship with the Lord looking for weaknesses while trying to discover what it is I am missing in order to learn and grow from this experience in order to move beyond it. I truly believe that the Lord would never simply withhold answers from me. Yet, I have prayed for answers and solutions that have not yet come and find it difficult at times to not become discouraged. It is difficult to not become overwhelmed with worry and fear because though I am not above suffering, I would gladly make any sacrifice in order to not see my family suffer. That is what worries the most. I’ve wondered if I should ask someone for help, then I question how God is supposed to demonstrate his infinite power if I’m out there grasping for a lifeline? When you’re on a sinking ship it is difficult to refrain from calling out for help and asking someone to throw you a life preserver. However, in this situation I have resigned myself to stand firm and accept the Lord’s will instead of mine; His works not mine. Don’t get me wrong, I truly believe that I am supposed to do the best I can in any situation in life while trusting God in all things and that is exactly what I decided to do when I heard, “Be still and know that I am God.”
Last night during the course of my self-examination my faith was called into question. The Lord has told us that with the faith of a mustard seed we could move mountains. A mustard seed is the tiniest of all seeds. I know I have the faith of at the very least a mustard seed, yet why do my prayers seem to go unanswered? Why is He not throwing us a lifeline to save us from this imminent future of gloom and doom that my family seems to be facing? At that moment it occurred to me that though I have hope and faith, I am not truly trusting in Him enough to BELIEVE with my entire heart and soul that He will provide. I realized that I have been searching for my own lifeline just in case He doesn’t respond. So then the question that kept me up last night was “Why would He not respond? Why would He not provide a solution?”
This morning as I was reading I came across 1 Peter 5:10-11 which says, “May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” So, there was my answer. I may be required to suffer a while in order for Him to perfect, establish, strengthen and settle me. After a while He will deliver me by His works, not mine. Jesus Himself learned obedience through suffering so who I am to expect or feel that I should deserve anything less? Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying it is not my desire to suffer and my human instincts tell me to try to grasp onto the first lifeline I can find. However, it is my desire to be all the Lord wants me to be and if that means suffering in order for Him to shape me and mold me into whatever it is He wants me to be in order for Him to use me then so be it! I MUST be willing to do so with an open heart while truly BELIEVING it is all a part of His perfect plan for my life. I feel like I am undergoing the ultimate test of faith at this point in my life. It is a test that I MUST pass!
